Ex-Mormon reveals what 'soft swinging' actually is as new show exposes surprising reality of the religion

If you've been watching the new Hulu show, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, you might have come across the term 'soft swinging'.

Now, most of us know that swinging generally refers to couples who engage in sexual relations with other couples.

This can take place either at their home, at swinging events and even on 'spicy cruises'.

But what exactly is 'soft swinging'?

What is soft swinging? (Getty Stock Photo)

Earlier this month, an eight-episode show, titled The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives was released on Hulu, exploring how a handful of Mormon influencers dealt with the fallout of a ‘swinging’ scandal a few years ago.

The series includes Taylor Frankie Paul, who was previously married to her husband Tate Paul and lived with in Draper, Utah.

Two years ago, she admitted that she and Tate would be divorcing after claiming she and her spouse had been engaging in ‘soft swinging’.

It's a term that's been confusing viewers ever since, with one writing on X: "Me googling: 'What is soft swinging?'"

While another said: "Soft swinging what is that? Is that really a thing?"

Well, former Mormon Alyssa Grenfell has revealed what soft swinging actually is, and why it can be so common in the Mormon culture.

Alyssa left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Utah back in 2017.

She is now documenting her time as a Mormon on social media, delving into the rules she had to follow and what her day-to-day life looked like.

"Swinging, in my opinion, is actually prevalent in Mormon culture especially in Utah," said Alyssa.

"These women are getting married as young as 16, straight into childbirth... a lot of the men getting married around 20, 21... very early marriages and then when they find themselves in unhappy marriages they then try to resort to swinging to try and stay married.

"Getting divorced and breaking up a temple marriage is a really big deal within Mormonism so they resort to swinging as a way to have their cake and eat it too."

Alyssa explained that she and her husband often think of swinging as being the 'steps to divorce' as it becomes 'so messy' that the couple often end up divorcing anyway.

Alyssa Grenfell left the church in 2017 (YouTube/Alyssa Grenfell)

"When Frankie Paul says 'soft swinging' she basically says that it means they didn't go all the way but they did everything else before that with each other," Alyssa continued.

At the time, Frankie explained the set-up on TikTok, explaining the 'rules' they had agreed to.

“Soft swinging is when you do other things but you don’t go all the way," she said.

“That’s what happened with us.

“The agreement was, we could do anything... as long as we were in front of each other and on the same page, it was fine."

Alyssa explained the concept of 'soft swinging' and why she thinks the 'Mormon loophole' exists within the community.

"In the same way people talk about soaking as a Mormon loophole, they are also engaging in loopholes surrounding open relationships and swinging where they're saying because we're not going all the way we still feel we're not as jealous, or it's okay because we're not breaking the cardinal rule of having true infidelity outside of marriage," she explained.

"In a Mormon context of following so many rules your whole life, coming up with these loopholes allows you to engage in enough cognitive dissonance [to] enjoy your swinging without feeling like you need to leave the church."

You can watch The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on Disney and Hulu now.