Banned jokes Nikki Glaser wasn’t allowed to say at 2025 Golden Globes
Nikki Glaser is hosting the 2026 Golden Globes show, but while you might think her 2025 setlist was brutal, you may not have known that many of the jokes were banned.
The comedian roasted celebrities around the world as she stood on stage in her fantastic silver little number and glamorous looks.
From Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande’s holding space interview to a joke about Timothee Chalamet that nearly had him missing the opening monologue, it’s safe to say that very little got away unscathed - except for a few lucky celebrities.
In January last year, Glaser shared everything on Howard Stern's SiriusXM show, where she said the jokes might not have landed all that well if she had told them.
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One of the jokes she explained she was banned from saying was about Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs, who was awaiting trial at the time of the Golden Globes ceremony.
“This is the last time all of you will be the same room together until the Diddy trial,” she told Stern.
The reason was that it was a kind of risky move to accuse 'the people in the room of being involved in that' as they 'might turn on you', as she further explained: “We had another Diddy mention that worked better … and you only get one Diddy mention."
Another joke that was banned included one about the Catholic pope film, Conclave, which Glaser was set to say: “I loved Conclave. It’s about the choosing a new pope. It was heartwarming. It will touch you so much that the church will have to move it to another theater. Hot tip: You don’t need ID to get into the Conclave afterparty.”
She went on to explain that they didn’t use it because it was a ‘Catholic Church pedophile’ joke, and 'we don't need any more' of them.
Another was a follow-up to her joke, calling Adrien Brody a ‘two-time Holocaust survivor’ after he appeared in two Holocaust movies, The Pianist and The Brutalist.
However, she chose not to use a line that stated the actor would time-travel to thank ‘baby Hitler for his career’ as her Gen Z assistant found it dated.
Then, when it came to talking about TV, she said she was supposed to state, “Only Murders in the Building is amazing. I think it’s so cool that legends like Steve Martin, Martin Short and Meryl Streep are still at it. It just goes to show you that you’re never too old to still need money.
"Why are you still working so hard? What’s going on, did you get caught up in the Hawk Tuah crypto scheme?”
She also didn’t jibe at Glen Powell for his assassin flick, Hit Man, where she would have said: “Glen Powell is nominated tonight for Hit Man. Who would have thought you’d only be the second-hottest hit man in America?”
Another one was about Dax Shepard’s podcast: “The only show where you can see the biggest stars in movies and television join together with a common goal: Getting out here tonight before Dax Shepard asks them to do his podcast.”
Then a joke about a very loved actress: “The Wild Robot is nominated tonight — and by that I mean Nicole Kidman after two white wines.”
She also said there was another Chalamet one she didn’t use where she would have said: “Timothée Chalamet took lessons in guitar, dialect, movement and vocals to become Bob Dylan [in A Complete Unknown]. While Bob Dylan became Bob Dylan the old-fashioned way: heroin and autism.”
“Michael Keaton was so great in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. And Alec Baldwin sadly did not come back to play a ghost because he was too busy making them,” was another, referencing the tragic death of Halyna Hutchins on the set of Rust, and then one about Affleck’s relationships: “Here’s Ben Affleck. I can’t wait to see which Jennifer you try to ruin next.”
Whoa, that’s some list.
Topics: Nikki Glaser, Celebrity, Timothée Chalamet, Ben Affleck, Golden Globes
Britt Jones