Sex therapist addresses Katherine Ryan's remarks about intimacy routine with husband
A sex therapist has weighed in on Katherine Ryan's candid comments about her sex life with husband Bobby Kootstra, finally confirming whether there's any such thing as a 'normal' amount of sex.
For those who missed it, back in 2024 the Canadian comedian recently opened up about the couple's intimate life, admitting that they have sex 'exactly twice a month', and that she makes a note about each occasion, 'just in case I get pregnant'.
She and Koostra have known each other since they were teenagers, having grown up together in Canada before reconnecting years later.
The pair married in 2019 and share three children, Fred, Fenna and Holland, while the funny-woman also has a daughter, Violet, from a previous relationship.
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The much-loved star has previously spoken candidly about balancing motherhood with her career, and how the demands of raising young children can affect intimacy in a relationship.
Ryan has since offered further insight into their sex life, describing herself this week as 'lazy' when it comes to her bedroom antics.
"It’s still not loads," she told The Times. It’s probably once a week, sometimes twice a week, but still not loads.
"I just don’t try - I’m a lazy shag."
The mother-of-four went on to joke: "I’m really vanilla and Bobby is quite vanilla. We’re well matched in that way.
"But the things I’ve seen and heard on my travels, my God. I just want to have nice, brief, marital sex. That’s it!"
Her comments have prompted discussion about how often couples have sex, but according to sex and relationship experts, there is no universal benchmark that determines whether a couple’s sex life is healthy.
Leigh Norén, a sex & relationship therapist with a Master of Science in Sexology, exclusively explained to Tyla that sexual frequency varies from person to person, and what feels right for one couple may be completely different for another.
"It's the age-old question, really, and unfortunately, the answer is never really satisfying - because 'normal' is different for everyone," she reassured us. "Some couples wants sex several times per week, some just a few times per year.
"The only thing that really matters is how happy both partners are with the frequency of sex."
Norén explained that research into sexual frequency and relationship satisfaction also challenges the assumption that more sex necessarily means a happier relationship.
"When researchers have studied sexual frequency and rates of relationship and sexual satisfaction, they found that the couples having sex once a week were the most satisfied," she continued.
"Couples that had sex more than once per week were, in fact, not happier. I often talk to couples about pleasure versus frequency: having sex that feels truly good is far healthier than having mediocre or bad sex, often."
The sexpert went on to add: "All this to say - a lot of people worry about their sex lives when they don't need to. Whether you have sex twice a month, like Katherine Ryan, or not, you're completely normal.
"And if you're worried you're having sex too seldom, or less frequently than others, it's important to stop and ask yourself why it matters. Because if the people whose opinions you care about aren't there, in the bedroom with you - why should they matter at all?"
Norén's comments highlight how easily people can become caught up in the idea that their sex lives should look a certain way, when sexual desire and intimacy can vary significantly between individuals and couples.
Rather than focusing on a particular number, the more important question is whether both partners feel happy, comfortable and satisfied.
Norén also addressed the double standards women can face when talking openly about their sexuality, pointing out that women are often judged regardless of how much or how little sex they want.
"Re: why women can't win no matter how sexual they are: this is such a good point," she noted. "Women are either 'sluts' if they enjoy sex too much or have it often, or they're 'prudes' if they don't want sex as much as their partner.
"The double-standard is so ingrained I often find that my female clients have internalised these values - making sex a minefield for them and making it hard to enjoy."
Her point speaks to a wider issue around the expectations placed on women's sexuality. Women are often encouraged to be confident and open about sex, yet can still face judgement if their choices fall outside what other people consider acceptable.
That pressure can make it harder to understand and enjoy their own desires without comparing themselves with others.
Ryan has previously spoken about the realities of intimacy while raising a young family.
Speaking to The Telegraph, she said: "But in reality, working parents who have small children are so knackered by nighttime, intimacy is just off the table.
"We have to find stolen moments in the day like before heading to work or during a nap, which isn’t always very alluring."
So, ultimately, there is no universal rule for how often couples should have sex - what matters is that intimacy is consensual and that both partners feel their needs are being heard.
Topics: Katherine Ryan, Celebrity, Sex and Relationships, UK News, Real Life
Rhianna Benson