Woman who was celibate until 41 shares what it was like as she praises Khloé Kardashian’s milestone
A woman who chose to remain celibate into adulthood has opened up about her experience, revealing why she thinks celebrities like Khloé Kardashian speaking out about abstaining from sex is so important.
It comes as Khloé Kardashian recently made headlines after revealing she'd reached a four-year celibacy milestone, sparking plenty of conversation about choosing to go without sex.
She's not the only famous face to discuss the topic, with former Love Island star Maura Higgins also opening up about her own experience of celibacy.
Now, author and journalist, Amanda McCracken, who didn't have sex until she was 41, has shared what life was really like during those years, including the judgement she faced from others.
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McCracken, who wrote the memoir When Longing Becomes Your Lover, told Tyla that her decision to wait began when she was a teenager.
"I decided when I was about 16 that I would wait to be in a committed and loving relationship before I'd have sexual intercourse," she explained.
"I was a late bloomer and so were many of my friends, so this decision felt empowering at the time."
As she got older, McCracken found that remaining celibate helped her feel more in control of her romantic relationships.
"In my 20s, celibacy gave me agency in a dating world where accountability was low and ambiguity high," she said.
However, things became more complicated as she got older.
During her thirties, McCracken realised she'd developed a pattern of becoming emotionally attached to unavailable romantic interests, something known as limerence.
She explained that these feelings had become a 'safe' way of avoiding the vulnerability of genuine emotional intimacy after previous dating experiences left her feeling hurt.
Despite the challenges, McCracken eventually found the relationship she'd hoped for since her teenage years.
"Ultimately, I first had sex at 41 in the committed and loving relationship I'd desired since I was a teen – with a man who was patient and valued me not just for my body," she revealed.
"That man is my husband now."
But being celibate for so long wasn't without its difficulties, particularly when it came to other people's opinions.
"People thought I was a prude or brainwashed by the patriarchy or religion," McCracken recalled.
"They thought I was uncomfortable with my body, which is not true at all."
Some even encouraged her to simply get the experience over with, to 'just rip the Band-aid off', advice she strongly disagreed with.
"What horrible advice for someone seeking a meaningful connection in a deeply intimate encounter," she said.
It's partly why McCracken believes Kardashian and Higgins discussing celibacy so publicly can make a difference.
"I think it's great that people in the public eye are normalizing celibacy, especially those who say they're doing it for themselves and that they don't have to prove their self-worth and desirability by having sex with someone," she told Tyla.
"I think both men and women are tired of feeling discardable and desire more authentic intimate connections."
Having experienced the judgement surrounding celibacy herself, McCracken hopes her story will help others feel less alone in their choices.
"I researched and wrote this meaningful book to help other late-in-life virgins or those exploring celibacy," she explained.
While she has no regrets about waiting until she found the right relationship, McCracken has no plans to return to celibacy.
"I'm married now and very much enjoying a noncelibate life," she added, with a smile.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Dating, Khloe Kardashian, Books
Jen Thomas