Advert

Man Sparks Debate Online After Refusing To Take Fiancée's Surname

Published 
| Last updated 

Man Sparks Debate Online After Refusing To Take Fiancée's Surname

One man has caused some stir online after explaining how he has been disagreeing with his fiancée about her taking his last name when they get married.

Posting to Reddit, the man wrote: “I (27M) have been with my fiancée (24F) for three and a half years. We are very happy together and I can’t imagine my life without her. but we have had a hard time reconciling this disagreement so I posted here at her suggestion.

This man took to Reddit to explain his and his fiancée's disagreement (Credit: Reddit/namelessfuture)
This man took to Reddit to explain his and his fiancée's disagreement (Credit: Reddit/namelessfuture)

We have been talking more and more about marriage recently and what it would look like. For me part of the significance of marriage is becoming family with each other, and that includes sharing our last name. When I think of being bonded with her in that way I get really happy and excited, like we are a true pair and the whole world could recognize it.

Advert
The engaged couple couldn't see eye to eye on the issue (Credit: Pexels/Rocsana Nicoleta Gurza)
The engaged couple couldn't see eye to eye on the issue (Credit: Pexels/Rocsana Nicoleta Gurza)

“However she wants to keep her last name as she says it is a hassle to have to change it. I think that’s fine, but I’m the only guy on my side of the family who could carry my family name, I have two sisters who are married already so it’s literally just me left. It’s a pretty unique name not one like Johnson or Smith. So my family name would die out if I don’t carry it and pass it on to our kids.

“Fiancée doesn’t really care about matching our names and suggested I could change my name to hers so we match or otherwise just both keep our own last names after we marry. She has a brother so her family name would be carried on either way, I feel like it’s different for that reason and she should compromise with me and change her name. AITA for not wanting to change my family name and asking her to change hers instead?”

The engaged couple have been struggling with what decision to make about their surnames (Credit: Pexels/TranStudios Photography & Video)
The engaged couple have been struggling with what decision to make about their surnames (Credit: Pexels/TranStudios Photography & Video)
Advert

Some of the replies were not in favour of the man to say the least: “Sorry dude, YTA. Welcome to the 21st Century. It IS a massive, massive pain to change your name and update everything. MASSIVE. Words cannot express how massive.

You either want to marry her or don’t. You choose. The name change BS is a holdover from when women were considered property and while some still embrace that tradition, it’s not universal and not everyone does it or wants to. In fact, in some places it’s illegal to do so.”

Not everyone agreed though. One person didn’t understand the hassle that some in the thread were stressing: “I didn't find it a massive pain. I had to get a marriage certificate from the county, take that to the social security office to request a name change, then once I had my new social security card I went to the DMV to get a new driver's license with my new name.”

People couldn't agree on whether the hassle was worth it or not (Credit: Pexels/Deesha Chandra)
People couldn't agree on whether the hassle was worth it or not (Credit: Pexels/Deesha Chandra)
Advert

Tyla also included its readers in the discussion and asked our audience: “Would you ask your future husband to take your last name?”

One of our readers explained her situation: “Kept my surname and children have my surname too. Hubs has his name currently, he says is willing to change it but I don’t really mind if he doesn’t.

I wanted to pass on my dads surname as it’s dying out in our family, my husband knows it was important to me and I wouldn’t have married the kind of guy that would care about backwards traditions anyway!”

Tyla readers had had different experiences when it comes to their spouses and last names (Credit: Pexels/Pixabay)
Tyla readers had had different experiences when it comes to their spouses and last names (Credit: Pexels/Pixabay)
Advert

Another Tyla reader replied to the question: “Yes and he agreed. But in the end I changed my mind and took his... think I just needed to hear that he would.”

There have been some compromises from our readers: “In the end after much discussion we ended up double barrelling our name. I don’t think everyone approves but it’s our choice.”

Featured Image Credit: Jasmine Carter/Pexels

Topics: Sex and Relationships, Wedding

Charlotte Forrester
More like this
Advert
Advert
Advert

Chosen for YouChosen for You

News

Brian Laundrie's Sister Shares Final Text Message With Gabby Petito

15 hours ago

Most Read StoriesMost Read

TV & Film

Netflix Drops First Look At Bridgerton Season 2 As Part Of Tudum Event

2 days ago