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Posting to Reddit, the man wrote: “I (27M) have been with my fiancée (24F) for three and a half years. We are very happy together and I can’t imagine my life without her. but we have had a hard time reconciling this disagreement so I posted here at her suggestion.
We have been talking more and more about marriage recently and what it would look like. For me part of the significance of marriage is becoming family with each other, and that includes sharing our last name. When I think of being bonded with her in that way I get really happy and excited, like we are a true pair and the whole world could recognize it.
“However she wants to keep her last name as she says it is a hassle to have to change it. I think that’s fine, but I’m the only guy on my side of the family who could carry my family name, I have two sisters who are married already so it’s literally just me left. It’s a pretty unique name not one like Johnson or Smith. So my family name would die out if I don’t carry it and pass it on to our kids.
“Fiancée doesn’t really care about matching our names and suggested I could change my name to hers so we match or otherwise just both keep our own last names after we marry. She has a brother so her family name would be carried on either way, I feel like it’s different for that reason and she should compromise with me and change her name. AITA for not wanting to change my family name and asking her to change hers instead?”
Some of the replies were not in favour of the man to say the least: “Sorry dude, YTA. Welcome to the 21st Century. It IS a massive, massive pain to change your name and update everything. MASSIVE. Words cannot express how massive.
You either want to marry her or don’t. You choose. The name change BS is a holdover from when women were considered property and while some still embrace that tradition, it’s not universal and not everyone does it or wants to. In fact, in some places it’s illegal to do so.”
Not everyone agreed though. One person didn’t understand the hassle that some in the thread were stressing: “I didn't find it a massive pain. I had to get a marriage certificate from the county, take that to the social security office to request a name change, then once I had my new social security card I went to the DMV to get a new driver's license with my new name.”
Tyla also included its readers in the discussion and asked our audience: “Would you ask your future husband to take your last name?”
One of our readers explained her situation: “Kept my surname and children have my surname too. Hubs has his name currently, he says is willing to change it but I don’t really mind if he doesn’t.
I wanted to pass on my dads surname as it’s dying out in our family, my husband knows it was important to me and I wouldn’t have married the kind of guy that would care about backwards traditions anyway!”
Another Tyla reader replied to the question: “Yes and he agreed. But in the end I changed my mind and took his... think I just needed to hear that he would.”
There have been some compromises from our readers: “In the end after much discussion we ended up double barrelling our name. I don’t think everyone approves but it’s our choice.”
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