Featured Image Credit: ian west/Alfredo López/Alamy Stock Photo
Topics: Parenting
Jess Hardiman
A woman has sparked debate online after revealing her mum refuses to babysit her own grandchild unless she’s paid an hourly rate - harsh, maybe... But very savvy.
The topic came up on Reddit’s ‘Am I the A**hole’ section a few months back, when one user asked if she was being unreasonable after her mum refused to help take care of her baby when she went back to work.
The woman, aged 29, explained that she had asked her mother to help take care of the child once her leave was up.
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“My mom is 64, has been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom since 1992, and hasn't been part of the workforce since then,” she wrote.
“She refused, saying she's too old and that she already raised her kids.
“She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a ‘traditional’ family, and that if she and my dad were able to work it out, so can we.”
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The woman said there was ‘no way’ she and her partner could make it work on one income, saying she makes $55,000 (£43,000) a year as the higher breadwinner, but has a lot of debt to pay off.
“We are currently in a small, 1 bedroom apartment in a metropolitan area, and would need to save money to move to a 2 bedroom once the baby grows up in a couple of years as we will need more space,” she continued.
“When I explained all the above to my mom, she then proceeded to say that she will charge me $20/hr for each hour she takes care of the baby, plus late fees if we are late for pickup, and must provide her with a carseat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house.
“She will not step foot in my house for her own personal reasons (she's come in once, and I've lived with my partner for 5 years; she's a 15min drive away).”
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The Reddit user added that she and her husband couldn’t work from home so were in ‘desperate need’ of childcare, writing: “Am I the a**hole for wanting my mom, who again is at home all day long (trust me, she does not do anything besides watch TV and cook meals), to take care of my baby for free while me and my partner try to fix our finances?”
Her predicament led to a huge debate on the forum, with many labelling her an ‘a**hole’ - including one, who wrote: “Sorry to be blunt and rude but maybe don't have a child if you can't afford to take care of them. And if your plan was always go back to work you should of discussed that during the pregnancy with your mom.”
Someone else said: “The mother has raised her children. To expect(!) that she watches the baby just because she has time. And for free. As if she has nothing better to do. This entitlement. If you plan to get a child, you plan for childcare. But you don't plan in other people without asking!”
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A third commented: “Your mother is under no obligation to be your childcare. You are an adult and chose to have a kid. Would it be great if she helped out? Sure, but you’re acting incredibly entitled. Your mom is allowed to asked for compensation for taking care of you kid too. Everything that she is asked is pretty much what any daycare would require too. Why didn’t you think about this before you had a kid?”
But some weren’t so sure, with one saying: “OP says all mom does is watch T.V. all day and cooks meals. Surely mom must be lazy if she's not willing to provide something useful to OP.”
They added: “There's also obviously something else going on, if the mom is also refusing to step foot in OP's home, but that's a whole other story we'll probably never get.”