‘He/Him lesbians’ explained as confusion sweeps across Gen Z
Back in January Lily-Rose Depp sent TikTok into meltdown after referring to partner Danielle Balbuena as her 'boyfriend', sparking widespread discourse around what exactly a 'lesbian boyfriend' or a 'he/him lesbian' actually is and how it works.
The terms have gained newfound viral fame on LGBTQ+ corners of the app, setting off both curiosity and confusion among some who couldn't wrap their heads around how someone who is a lesbian could use he/him pronouns or more broadly want to be referred to as a 'boyfriend'.
Meanwhile others celebrated the terms finally entering the mainstream and embraced the teaching opportunity that came along with it.
But while some might be hearing the terms for the first time, he/him lesbians actually have a rich history stretching back decades within the LGBTQ+ community.
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Here's everything you need to know about what a he/him lesbian actually is and how the term entered popular culture.
What is a He/Him lesbian?
In the most stripped back, simple terms, a he/him lesbian is a lesbian who uses he/him pronouns.
This could be a trans man who identifies as a lesbian, or for someone else, it could mean they are transmasculine (an umbrella term for someone assigned female at birth but who identifies as masculine).
Others might be cis lesbians who don't identify with transness full stop but who simply just prefer being referred to as he/him or might instead want to opt for a masculine term like 'boyfriend' or 'husband'.
Essentially, it's important to bear in mind that while many trans people do use their pronouns to reflect their gender identity, other people do not - meaning some he/him lesbians could be trans men and some might not be.
How can someone who is a lesbian use he/him pronouns?
Of course, most people would assume that a lesbian is a woman who is attracted to other women, which is where the confusion has been stemming from.
However, when you look at history, the gender spectrum within the lesbian community is actually much broader than that.
And as time has gone on, fresh terminology has been continuing to help expand the scope of what it means to be a part of the lesbian community.
The history of He/Him lesbians
To understand the history of he/him lesbians specifically, we need to first rewind back to where the term 'lesbian' actually came from.
The earliest use of the word came in the 1500s and initially referred to someone or something from the island of Lesbos. However, the term as we know it first started to emerge in the early 1900s when sex experts began using it to refer to the people they studied.
Adjacent to this, people within the community itself began coming up with their own ways to refer to themselves and putting language to the dynamics within their relationships and their gender identity.
In the 1920s, Black lesbians began using the terms 'mama' and 'papa' to describe the dynamics between masculine and feminine lesbians, and in the 1940s, working class lesbians started using the terms 'butch' and 'femme' to describe the same thing.
While not all of the 'papa' or 'butch' lesbians used he/him pronouns, some did due to laws that banned people wearing clothing that didn't reflect their biological sex.
This mean't that using he/him pronouns could offer a form of safety and protection to express their masculinity freely and play with gender roles.
What is a lesbian boyfriend and how does that differ from a He/Him lesbian?
A lesbian boyfriend is someone who prefers to use masculine terms such a 'boyfriend' or 'husband' when being referred to.
However, the difference between this and a he/him lesbian is that a 'lesbian boyfriend' may still use she/her pronouns but just likes to lean into the more masculine terms of endearment.
This is the case for Depp and her partner Balbuena AKA 070 Shake. Balbuena uses she/her pronouns and hasn't publicly labelled her sexually other than stating the fact she's 'into girls'.
But in an interview with MTV earlier this year, Depp referred to her as her 'boyfriend'.
“I have a locket of my boyfriend’s hair,” Depp said. "I like lockets, I think they’re very romantic.”
The bottom line
Essentially, the crossover between sexuality and gender expression is fluid and terminology is ever expanding to accommodate this.
Someone may be a trans man, non-binary or just simply leaning more into masculinity and therefore would identify as being a 'he/him lesbian'.
Others may still choose to go by she/her pronouns but like being referred to as a 'boyfriend' or 'husband' by their partner.
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Chloe Jackson