Psychologist reveals seven signs you could have a narcissistic parent without even realising

Growing up, we often assume our parents' behaviour is 'normal' because it's all we know. But as we get older, we may start to notice patterns that don't feel quite right - constant criticism, a need for control, or a lack of empathy.

According to psychologists, these can be signs of having a narcissistic parent, a dynamic that often goes unnoticed until adulthood. Living with a parent who has narcissistic traits can impact everything from your self-esteem to your relationships, often leaving lingering effects.

Psychologist Dr Ramani Durvasula has shared seven key signs of a narcissistic parent and how to spot one.

There are several key signs to look out for (Getty stock photo)

They see their child as a source of validation

I'm sure we have all seen those parents who post every single achievement their child does online - if it's winning an award, scoring a goal or getting a part in the school play - and while this may just be a supportive parent, it can be deeper than that.

Dr Durvasula shares that narcissists will often loudly flaunt their children, however that same parent will be checked out, detached and disinterested in their child if a situation doesn't involve their achievements.

"They generally share their child's need for connection or validation, and instead see them as a tool to fulfill those needs for themselves," she writes.

Emotionally reactive, but shame their child's emotions

Narcissists are known to often show anger and aggressions when they feel let down or frustrated, so as a child on the receiving end of that, it can be difficult.

"If they believe their child is being critical or defiant, they can lash out," Durvasula says. "These reactions can manifest as screaming, sudden bouts of rage or, in more severe cases, physical violence."

At the same time, narcissistic parents may shame their child into not sharing their emotions at all as they tell them to stop crying or toughen up.

They can shame their child's emotions (Getty stock photo)

Always put their own needs first

When you become a parent, you no longer just have to think of your own needs, you have a whole other human to also consider.

But Durvasula states that with narcissistic parents, they expect their children to make sacrifices so that they can do or have whatever they want.

Lack of boundaries

Everyone needs boundaries as a means of communicating what you do and don't feel comfortable with. However, narcissistic parents can be quite intrusive.

"When they don't feel like it, they won't interact with the child," Durvasula writes. "But when they want the child to validate them, they may feel they can interrupt their child's and ask them to do whatever they want to do."

She explains that these type of parents may ask probing questions or be critical of their child in a way that feels intrusive, including making comments on weight or appearance that may leave the child feeling self-conscious.

They play favourites

As children, we want to be loved and cared for and you certainly shouldn't have to compete for that love, but narcissistic parents may maintain their power by playing favourites among their children.

"They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively... This can make children feel uncomfortable, disloyal and psychologically unsafe," according to Durvasula.

"They may believe that they need to go along with or impress the narcissistic parent to avoid their wrath and maintain good standing in the family unit."

There can be a major lack of boundaries (Getty stock photo)

Shifting blame

Narcissists have a deep desire to feel perfect and can do no wrong in their own eyes. Therefore, according to Durvasula, they can be cruel when they feel criticised.

"Common refrains from narcissistic parents might be something like, 'It's your fault that I am so tired,' or 'I could have had a great career if I didn't have to deal with you'," she states.

"Over time, children of narcissistic parents internalise these comments and begin to self-blame, believing: 'When I have needs, I make everyone else feel or perform worse.'"

They expect the child to be the caregiver

Narcissistic parents give a clear message from the get-go that their child has to take care of them.

"This often extends well into adulthood, where the narcissistic parent can be quite manipulative," she writes.

A common line might be, 'I fed and clothed you, so now you owe me'.