Featured Image Credit: Dmitrii Marchenko/irinamunteanu/Getty Images
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Mental Health, TikTok
Kya Buller
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Mental Health, TikTok
An expert has come forward to provide a clear and concise list that spells out whether or not the person you're in a relationship is a narcissist.
It's something we may find ourselves worrying about when embroiled in yet another argument with our significant other that leaves us doubting our version of events.
The conversation around narcissism has really ramped up in recent times - but it can be hard to know how to spot one correctly, especially in a relationship.
Luckily, Claire Auden, who is a literal Narcissistic Abuse Educator, has come to our aid and regularly posts about narcissists on TikTok.
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The expert has compiled a foolproof list of the signs to look out for.
Claire explains that the first sign is having 'massive double standards that they can't see'.
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She continues: "They literally can't connect the dots and when you try to explain it to them, they actually don't get it.
"It's one rule for you and no rules for them. The expect you to tolerate things that if it was the other way around, they would lose their mind - but they can't see it."
"Idealisation or love bombing, devaluating phase, discard, potentially a hoover - and re-enter the cycle."
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According to Claire, this toxic cycle is one of the main signs to look out for.
"No empathy or compassion," Claire warns. "This is outside of the love bombing phase and not when they're in front of people performing or acting like an amazing person.
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"So, something terrible happens and you're upset, you're crying, and they are dead behind the eyes, they don't care - they're callous, they're cruel and robotic.
"They don't feel your pain, they don't care."
Claire says: "They behave very differently when it's just the two of you and there's no one to perform to.
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"When you're in front of people, it's like they turn on the performance and put on the mask. They act in a certain way in order to be perceived positively.
"They weaponise fear and obligation and guilt to get their way," Claire explains.
She continues: "They will gaslight you within an inch of your sanity, they will lie on a dime, rewrite history and twist the story.
"Essentially, do anything to get their way and manipulate an outcome and you."
Claire says: "They pathologically avoid accountability.
"Including things like taking you expressing your feelings or needs as an attack.
"They will fly into a screaming illogical rage. They will gaslight, blame shift and deflect, get up and leave, temporarily discard you and throw a grown adult tantrum just to avoid any accountability."
Claire says narcissists will do everything previously mentioned and more to avoid feeling their internal shame.
"With that shame, they seem to have a wildly fluctuating self esteem.
"From a deep self hatred to extreme compensatory grandiosity.
"This shows a lack of ability to reflect - but you can see it depending on what phase they have going on.
"They have an arrogance, conceitedness and think they're better than everyone."
This is particularly when the narcissist gets triggered, according to Claire.
"They are illogical, childish and they have a stark lack of emotional intelligence.
"They frequently go into bouts of narcissistic word salad.
"They'll rant, rage and appear like they're hallucinating by arguing with themselves."
She adds: "You may have 5, 6 or 7 hour long circular conversations and arguments when nothing calms them down. This might also take place over text or email when they send you long paragraphs ranting and raving at you, throwing all kinds of illogical thought processes and accusations at you, but they can seem so normal when they're not triggered and you're complying with doing what they want."
Claire warns that people should watch out for how their partner reacts to criticism.
"They always think that you're trying to hurt them or trying to disrespect them.
"They think you're trying to humiliate them or 'take them down'.
"They project all kinds of negative intentions on to you that aren't there. They misread your facial expression or tone.
"They genuinely see the world as a very hostile place.
"They treat you as more of an enemy or potential 'threat' than a partner which means they're incredibly controlling over you."
She mentions that they may also accuse you of cheating on them - a common theme in narcissistic relationships.
This takes place when the two of you are alone, Claire says.
"Vapid, vacant as though there is no true depth.
"There's just not much there. Narcissists don't have a strong sense of self."
People were shocked in the comments of the now viral video.
One person wrote: "Once you realise they are sick it’s so much easier to leave . Thank you for your content. Seriously."
Another added: "My neck hurts from nodding my head yes through this whole thing. 10 out of 10."