Kids or no kids? The age-old wedding choice sparks new debate after bride and groom issue 'harsh' ban

Deciding whether children should be invited to a wedding is one of those subjects almost guaranteed to divide a family, but one couple’s brutally worded child-free rule has taken the debate to another level.

A screenshot of a wedding website was shared on Reddit’s Wedding Shaming community under the title: “I’m against kids at weddings, but dang this is harsh.”

And while having an adults-only wedding is hardly unusual, it was the wording of the apparent FAQ that got people talking.

The couple didn’t mince their words on the FAQ section of their wedding invite.

Under the question “Are kids welcome?”, the brutal reply read: “No, your children are not welcome.”

The invite has caused quite a stir (Reddit)

It continued: “No one wants to hear them crying through the ceremony, screaming on the dance floor, or melting down because it’s way past their freaking bedtime.”

"And no, I’m not ordering a separate plate for your picky-a** children either.”

“It’s a child-free wedding. Find a babysitter, enjoy a night off, and come celebrate with us.”

Divided opinions on whether kids should be at weddings or not

The screenshot prompted a rather lively discussion after appearing on Reddit, but plenty of people understood the sentiment, even if they weren't particularly keen on the delivery.

One Reddit user summed up the problem neatly, writing that the approach was ‘way too pre-emptively aggressive’.

Another said that if a couple is already so frustrated they're ‘taking it out on everyone, they simply wouldn't attend, despite being child-free themselves.

Others pointed out that it's perfectly possible to tell guests their children aren't invited without making them feel as though they've been told off before they've even RSVP'd.

One commenter recalled a friend handling the same situation very differently, explaining that her wedding note said they loved the children in their lives but the venue was strictly for adults.

Not everyone thought the message was unreasonable, though.

Some couples want the focus to just be on them, without worrying about little ones crying (Getty Stock)

“I guess all you can say to that is, well, at least they didn't leave any room for having to guess,” wrote one.

Several people argued that couples sometimes resort to blunt wording precisely because guests treat ‘child-free’ as something negotiable.

“Everyone thinks that they are the exception to the rule,” one person observed.

“Nothing but this 'harsh' would get through to some folks,” sympathised one commenter.

“They would think, ‘well, my child is good and will not cause any problems, they didn't mean me’"

Someone else added: "It’s completely reasonable if someone wants a child free wedding, it’s also completely reasonable to decline the invitation if you’re unwilling to go without your children,” said one sensible commenter.

The decision is a personal one and can cause a lot of conflict (Getty Stock)

Child-free wedding experience

Chloe Jackson, who recently got married and had a child-free wedding, explained: "We were quite lucky in the sense that not many people in our lives have kids, so it didn't have too much of a major impact, but it did affect a couple of family members with very young children who were more than understanding."

As for her reasons why, Jackson said: "Mainly, the decision came down to the fact that it's a very long day, which can be a lot for kids and make them cranky."

"We got married on a private estate, so we had no curfew and knew it would be very, very boozy, which again, isn't always very compatible with kids and it's not something we factored into catering for," she added.

"And, to be really honest, we didn't want the risk of a baby or child crying during the ceremony or speeches or having to worry about that, as I know that's something I would've been stressing about on top of everything else that comes along with planning a wedding!", which many stressed brides-to-be can probably relate to.

Jackson knows it can be highly-charged for many people: "I'm currently pregnant and have two weddings next year when he'll be very small, and would totally understand if any of my friends or family weren't keen on having him there! It's such a personal choice and should be respected either way; I guess the only caveat to it is you do have to accept that someone might not be able to attend if they can't find childcare - so it's important to give people with kids lots of notice if you are banning kids at your wedding!”

There are a number of reasons why people decide to go child-free (Getty Stock Image)

The disagreement highlights the awkward reality behind the child-free wedding debate.

For the couple getting married, there are obvious reasons to keep things adults-only. Children can become restless during a long ceremony, catering for additional guests costs money and an evening reception isn't necessarily designed with young children in mind.

For parents, however, an invitation that excludes their children can create an entirely different headache.

Babysitters cost money, overnight childcare isn't always available and destination weddings can make leaving children behind particularly complicated. Some parents may simply decide attending isn't worth the logistical juggling.

A couple is entitled to say no children. A parent is equally entitled to say no thank you.