Mum says putting husband into care was the right decision for her family
A woman has opened up about her heartbreaking decision to out her husband into a care home, stating that she still believes it was the right thing to do.
Hannah Riches had to take the tough decision to put her husband Neil into a residential care home for his own good, as he was suffering with dementia and she could no longer look after him.
It’s a decision that no family member ever wants to take, but Hannah explained how Neil she had become unable to protect her husband, whose illness was so bad that he walked out of the house and straight into the road, completely oblivious to the traffic.
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That was in 2021, and it was the moment that firmed up the decision in Hannah’s mind that she would have to get him extra help in the home.
Speaking to ITV News, Hannah relived some of her happiest memories with Neil, such as their daughter Amelia’s birthday parties and a helicopter ride on their honeymoon.
However, at the age of 51 he was diagnosed with early onset dementia and seven years later he’s no longer the man that he used to be.
She says that his memory was always a source of fun between the pair, but the problem progressively worsened to the point that he forgot that they’d sold their house.
Still, it took 18 months of unusual behaviour before they saw a doctor.
Hannah told the outlet: "We had a sold sign outside and he'd forgotten that we'd had people in the lounge looking at the house, he'd forgotten that we had discussions.
“He'd forgotten that they had come to look around our new house.
"Neil, that I fell in love with was replaced with a new Neil that lacked empathy, he was being selfish and was putting himself before the kids and me."
After doing some research on the effects that living with a dementia patient could have on her children, she knew something had to be done.
"It was unfair enough that the girls were going to lose their father. I knew he would not have wanted them to lose their future as well," Hannah explained.
“A lot of the decisions I made about how we would tackle or face Neil's diagnosis was made through that prism of how would it affect the girls, what was best for their welfare.
"My goodness it was really tough, it has taken all my patience, all my strength. It pushed me to the limit, you know, I'm a different person to the one I was last April.”
So, they got him the help he needed.
Hannah said: "I felt a lot of guilt. I still feel a lot of guilt.
"I know the Neil of old would have supported that decision."
Now, the family still visit and have a better relationship with him, though his health is still deteriorating.
"I'm going to visit him and chatting and feeling love again, which is hard to admit, but definitely in those last few weeks, when he was at home, it was hard to feel that way,” she added.
"It's been hard to feel like a wife for a number of years. You know, my role was carer and definitely now I can feel like Neil's wife again it's sad being pushed to the limits.
"Ultimately, I can see the benefits over the year in how the girls behave. And how they're more relaxed and less stressed. Actually, the benefit in my relationship with Neil, you know, how I'm able to be kinder and nicer and gentler with him. I'm with the girls and he's getting specialist care."
"They've got the specialists and they've got the equipment, they've got the that's their job is to look after them. And then actually my job at the moment is to be a mother and be a wife. And I can do that again.”
She concluded: “The thought of reminiscing and, and remembering the good times was too upsetting when Neil was home, I couldn't do that. Now with that pressure off, when I go to visit Neil, I can remember the good times. I can remember the Neil I fell in love with and I can share those stories with the girls
"But Neil and I dreamt of travelling in our retirement and ultimately, I'll be a widow and that's not what I hoped for.
"I hoped to be growing old with Neil."
Tom Wood