Ali Condon
A woman has explained that she refuses to go to people's weddings or baby showers if she doesn't talk to them on a day-to-day basis, assuming she has been invited 'just for the presents'.
Lanette Rincon, 30, said she finds it 'extremely rude' and 'offensive' when people invite her to major life events but don't make an effort with her otherwise.
The Colorado native took to TikTok to explain her thought process, revealing she was originally inspired by old co-workers and friends who she could only keep up with through their social media posts, and would put off hanging out with her outside of major occasions like weddings.
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"I don’t ever hear from some people for a lunch or a coffee date or a girls night, but then I'm only invited to the big ones when they need the numbers," Lanette mused.
"If I don’t get an invite to regular things then it’s incredibly offensive to invite to me big things.
"If I've been invited and they wanted me to bring a gift, I probably wouldn't end up going, and if I did I wouldn't bring one, but it depends on the circumstances.
"Recently in the last few years I was hanging out with this person but then it soon turned to me actively trying to hang out with them and it not being reciprocated.
"And then when it came to a big event - like a wedding or a baby shower - that they needed the extra numbers for, I hear from them.
"When you show up to that wedding, for example, you feel awkward and don’t know how to talk to them and then you end up in a tricky position.
"Or when people ask how you know the bride it gets awkward."
Lanette will make certain exceptions for friends and relatives who live across the country or further away, and will only turn down their invites if she doesn't have time to join in the celebrations.
"I think everybody has their own level of boundaries and self-respect," she said.
"People have their own image of what a friendship looks like and it’s all personal preference.
"And for me it’s about self-respect and your level of boundaries you want to set with people - knowing your worth as an individual and as a friend."
Lanette's video went somewhat viral on TikTok, with over 1.5 million views - and received some very mixed responses.
One viewer who disagreed commented: "Heck no, I can’t keep up with all the little stuff. Happy to show up and support big milestones - if I was important enough to be invited."
Another said: "Except I don’t do movie nights or girls nights or any of that but I’d want important people in my life there for the big moments."
Others agreed with Lanette's thought process. One wrote: "Funny how I only get invited when my presence requires that I bring a gift."
While another agreed: "Absolutely. I’ve cut so many people from my life this year because of people like this."
Lanette said she tries to avoid confrontation when she can and doesn't often reveal why she might not be coming to something, since she has been called 'petty' in the past because of it.
She explained: "I don’t really divulge as I'm not really a confrontational person, but when I feel I’m being taken advantage of I just say that I won't be available at that time."