Woman says she regrets giving baby daughter up for adoption
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When her daughter was born 22 years ago, the woman said there was ‘no way’ she would have been able to take care of her child at the time.
She believes that she made the right decision even though she regrets it.
“22 years ago, I gave up my baby daughter for adoption and since then not a day goes by when I don’t think about her,” the anonymous woman, who is identified only as T.F, wrote to Fiona Caine’s advice column.
“There was no way at the time that I could have looked after a baby, so while I regret it I think it was the right decision.”
The woman goes on to explain how none of her family members knew about her daughter after she left home aged 17 and never returned.
She has also avoided telling her husband about her daughter, with whom she has been with for 13 years,.
“None of my family knew about my baby, I had left home at 17 and never went back; even my husband doesn’t know about it,” she wrote.
“We’ve been together for 13 years and I have often thought about telling him, but I always seem to find a way of talking myself out of it.”
The woman often wonders where her daughter is now and what her adoptive parents are like. “I hope she might one day try to contact me, though how I’d explain that to my husband and our five-year-old son, I have no idea.”
She also admitted to feeling ‘hurt’ about her daughter not reaching out to her.
“She hasn’t made contact yet and, if I am honest, it hurts a bit that she hasn’t. I know I can’t force her to, but is there anything else I should do.”
Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona urged to woman to not ‘give up hope’ and suggested she should talk to her husband about the adoption.
Fiona said the woman should contact the adoption agency she used to ensure they have her up-to-date contact details and whereabouts and to add her own name to the Adoption Contact Register. “These won’t guarantee that she’ll make contact, but it will make it easier for her, should she decide to do so,” she responded.
“You’re right though – you can’t force her to get in touch, but please don’t give up hope. While some people never seek out birth parents, many do, and often in response to a major change in their life circumstances. For example, the death of an adoptive parent or perhaps giving birth themselves.
“In the meantime, please try and talk to your husband about this, so that it’s not such a shock if she reaches out to you.
“ If you still don’t feel ready to do this, please consider contacting PAC-UK. The organisation offers specialist therapy, advice, support, counselling and training for all those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care.”