Topics: Celebrity, Mental Health
Warning: This article contains discussions of suicide.
Rylan Clark has opened up about the mindset he was in following his divorce from husband of several years Dan Neal.
The pair tied the knot in 2015 but split up in 2021 after Rylan revealed he'd been unfaithful several years earlier.
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In his book TEN: The Decade That Changed My Future he wrote of his decision to tell his husband about the past infidelity: "I’m not sure why it was that time, or that day I had to do it. But I did.
"He left. Told me it was over and that was that. You’re not surprised? I get that. But I couldn’t believe it. For the first time in my 32 years, I felt I couldn’t carry on no more."
The popular presenter then went on to say that he'd attempted suicide following his divorce, and during a live event last year he explained that that splitting up took an extreme toll on his body as he suffered two heart failures during the separation.
Speaking to actor and Busted performer Matt Willis for his On The Mend podcast, Rylan opened up about what he'd been going through following his divorce.
He said: "I'm so strong. I'm so, so strong but I was so broken. Like, to the point where I physically couldn't dress, couldn't eat, couldn't do none of these things.
"I tried to end it a few times, unsuccessfully, gratefully now. But I just remember going to sleep at night after doing nothing all day, living at my mum's, frightened to leave the house, didn't want anyone to see me.
"I think that's the fame side of stuff. And I would pray that I wouldn't wake up because then it wouldn't be my fault. Does that make sense?
"Every morning I'd wake up and there's that three seconds of forgetfulness where you think it's a dream or you don't think it's real and then you remember, and that's it for the rest of the day."
Last year Rylan told Fearne Cotton's podcast Happy Place that he thought part of the problem might have been him not stopping to take a break from work since his TV debut on The X-Factor in 2012.
He explained to Cotton that he 'needed to stop'.
People listening to Rylan speak on the On The Mend podcast said they loved his 'honesty and integrity'.
Someone else said that what he was saying was exactly how their thought process had worked when they were in a similar situation, saying they too went to bed hoping they wouldn't wake up in the morning but were now 'glad' to have 'come out the other side'.
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, please don’t suffer alone. Call Samaritans for free on their anonymous 24-hour phone line on 116 123.
