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Your wedding day is a celebration of your nuptials, and most wedding parties share their day with a traditional bunch of people - family, friends, and a photographer or two.
Most couples meet their photographer way before the big day, to discuss the ins and outs of how they want to remember it, and to ensure they're right for the job. Once that's all done and dusted they're with you every step of the way, taking a snapshot of the events, for you to look back on for all of time. Well, that's the plan anyway. But what if it goes wrong?
Given the insight photographers have into weddings, someone asked the good people of Reddit to describe if there were any signs that a couple might not last, and they delivered. So what are they? Take it away guys...
SuccessiveApprox writes that the intimate moments are important.
We spend 8, 10, 12 or more hours in a day looking at the bride and groom through a frame that isolates them alone and together, largely stripping away the broader context and focusing on their interactions. We are looking specifically for moments of contact, of intimacy, of emotional connection. It pretty quickly becomes evident when those things are there, and when they are not.
They also speak about the difference between a wedding and a marriage.
We also spend a lot of time listening to the language they use in pre-meetings, engagement shoots, on the wedding day, etc. It becomes pretty clear in a short time what the focus is. Many couples, particularly young couples, pretty clearly have in mind a wedding but have put little thought and planning into a marriage. The difference we see between a young couple and an older/second marriage couple is pretty significant.
As well as this, the support around a couple is a telling factor.
Also, the differences we see in the families' and friends' behavior at a wedding - the bridesmaids talking, the groomsmen interacting, the parents' glances and body language, the frigging toasts - all are very telling about how much they think this is a good idea and how much community support there is around a couple.
Another user (who's now deleted their account) recalled that problem solving and working as a team was paramount.
...because we work so intimately with them coordinating things and directing them as a pair, we do get to see how they interact and deal with problems, of which there are many as in any wedding.One couple worried me, the bride was a tense wreck during the whole ceremony and reception to the point that I didn't get many useable pictures of her because she looked sooo stressed out and unhappy, meanwhile the groom was with his friends having a great time (which is good and normal) but not helping her with anything or responding at all to her panic. She wasn't terribly pleasant to work with.
On the other hand, I did another wedding where everything under the sun went wrong, including the fact that the limo transporting the grooms party from the house to the venue broke down and caught on fire on a highway bridge en route; I affectionately refer to it as The Shit Show Wedding.
The thing that stuck with me was how well the couple rolled with the punches and comforted each other when things happened. Towards the end one of the family members was beyond drunk and started breaking things and the wife was getting upset, husband swept in, kissed her and told her he'd take care of it, which he did.
As well as this, actually being excited on your wedding day could be a telltale sign of your success.
Last example, I went to the bathroom at one and the husband was washing his hands next to me and I made some compliment about how things had come together and joked that it must be a good sign for the future, he, in a very very apathetic tone said, "Well, we'll see how we do" and walked out. Haven't talked to them since but they just are never happy or excited in any of their photos in general even outside of the ones I took.
And it isn't just photographers who had their say, hairstylists get a look in on those intimate moments too. H-ly writes,
One wedding I did I could tell it wasn't going to last. She was young, couldn't even drink yet, he was at least ten years older. They were getting married because her family was very religious and I got the impression that they chose him and thought she should marry him more than she wanted to marry him, she liked the idea of a wedding (and moving out of her parents place) more than she was in love. A year later it was over but she was so much better off. She'd grown so much and had moved out on her own and had become a grown up. I was really happy for her.
And events planners too - chrislbraman writes...
Not a wedding photographer, but I planned events (mostly weddings) for several years. The number one I would say is contempt. If either of the couple has contempt for the other (not respecting their opinion, minimizing their thoughts, puts down their partner, etc) I guarantee the couple will divorce. Unless they are Catholic. Then its 50/50.
1) What people who give speeches (maid of honor, best man, father of the bride) say about the person their friend/relative is marrying is a huge giveaway. Do they feel like this person enriches their new spouse's life? Do they see them as an extension of their family or as a close friend? Are their anecdotes about how each person complements the other? Or are they simply "happy for them"?I've heard some truly heartfelt, touching words shared during toasts... and have heard others that were seriously underwhelming. If it isn't easy for you to think of why this person is a good match for your friend, that's a bad sign.2) This is going to sound totally cheesy but I feel even more strongly about this: what happens during the cake cutting. Sweetly feeding one another? Good sign. A playful smear of icing on the nose? No problem.But every once in a while someone will retaliate--bad sign. I think it's indicative of the sort of contempt which will doom the relationship. Even if you don't want that fondant on your face, you need to be able to laugh it off and have a good time.
However, it isn't always obvious. Videographer BigIdeaPhotoVideo explains,
We do wedding videography, and last year we shot the wedding for a couple that were together for a few years prior to it, and had a kid together. They honestly seemed like they would truly last. Just 2 weeks ago, my partner, who is friends with the groom on Facebook, told me they are getting a divorce. Truly saw no signs. Only thing i can think of is he didnt give her another baby which she claimed she wanted in the video.
The truth is, one day will never define how your whole relationship will turn out, as there are so many bumps and challenges along the way. However, it's interesting to see the story from the other side of the wedding day! Have you ever been to any weddings you thought wouldn't last? Let us know!
Featured Image Credit: Pexels
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