This is not a Crocs hate piece. Let’s get that out of the way first. What it is though, is a plea for people to not give in to the high-heeled crocs which Balenciaga have created as part of their Spring/Summer 2022 collection.
When writer, podcaster and ex-wardrobe mistress Pandora Sykes tweeted a reminder of the Croc stiletto on Twitter after the shoe appeared in last week’s The Sunday Times Style, it brought up a lot of emotions...
We mean, is this what we’ve come to?
So-called ‘ugly’ accessories can be fashionable, and we fully encourage everyone to embrace the loud and unapologetic in their personal style - but the high-heeled Croc cannot be accepted as the new trend.
Firstly, they only come in bright green or ashy black, AKA the least interesting Croc colours to go for. What about a pretty pastel purple or a Hollywood Glamour red? I understand that this is Balenciaga so they may not want to go for a pop of pink, but a dusty plain black or Ghostbuster slime green? Not into it.
Also, if you’re going to do a Croc stiletto then you need to do it whole-heartedly. The design of Balenciaga’s high-heeled Croc doesn’t commit to the unique way that Crocs can be a fashion staple.
Remember that cute little cartoon crocodile that used to be on the side?
It’s now replaced with just the Balenciaga name. The heel itself also feels out of place with the rest of the shoe. It looks like some black scaffolding rather than the ultimate colour and texture-matched heel to literally take your old gardening shoes to new heights.
The campaign has missed another trick. If you’re going to do a high-heeled Croc, you’re obviously hoping to tap into irony and tackiness and transcend to fresh levels of camp style. You want your outfit to be able to laugh at itself.
Which begs the question, where are the jibbitz?
You know, those plastic charms and gems you used to accessorise your Crocs with? Everyone knows these bring a whole new layer of garishness to your look...
If there was ever the time for jibbitz, it would be now. Imagine a big Balenciaga “B” charm, or diamante gems adorning your heeled Croc? Now that would be a fashion statement.
The heeled Croc had potential. Hell, we might even have bought ourselves a pair...
But alas, they’ve just put an old Croc on a stick and tried to flog it for £800.
£800?! For a glorified shoe that I put on to take the bins out?! Spare us, please.
Don’t be mad, just please demand better for your feet.