Sarah Harding has revealed her heartbreak at the fact she doesn't have children as she continues to battle breast cancer.
The Girls Aloud star, 39, has opened up on her dreams of being a mother in her new book, Hear Me Out, revealing that the intense chemotherapy she had undergone to fight her cancer would "have killed any chance" she had of having children, even if he prognosis wasn't so bleak.
In her book, Sarah says the realisation that she would probably never be a mum came during a conversation with her former bandmate Cheryl, 37.
She wrote: "I was saying how we never thought Nadine [Coyle] would be the first one of us to have a child, and that now three of [the band members] have kids.
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"It might seem odd to worry about not having children when I don't even know how much of a life I have left, but it's there.
"The truth is, even if my prognosis was better, it still wouldn't be on the cards because of all the chemotherapy I've had.
"That treatment, harsh as it is, will have killed any chance I might have had. It's making me cry just thinking about it".
Nadine, 35, is mother to daughter Anaiya while Cheryl is mum to son Bear, three and Kimberley Walsh, 39, is mother to sons Bobby, six, and Cole, four, while also being pregnant with her third child.
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In her book, Sarah also talks about how she regrets ending things with her ex, Tom Crane. The pair dated for five years and got engaged during a Maldives holiday in 2010, however he ended things six months before they were meant to get married.
"I've never stopped blaming myself," she said in the book. "Losing him was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but we just couldn't seem to find a way through the impasse.
Sarah announced to her fans that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer in August last year, and has since explained the cancer has now spread to other parts of her body.
She initially kept her diagnosis private, but then decided to tell people, because she wanted to encourage other women to get checked before it was too late.
Elsewhere in her book, Sarah - who has been told by doctors that her Christmas in 2020 "was probably her last" - explained she's found comfort in knowing she may die before her mother Marie.
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"Mum is in her late seventies now and she has become everything to me through this illness, especially since I've been staying with her," she said.
"I know how hard this is on her too. I often worry about her, especially as she's gotten older. I can't bear the thought of anything happening to her.
"In a strange way it's comforting to know that I will probably leave this world before she does; at least then I won't have to go through the pain of losing her."
She added: "The truth is, I can't live without her now, she cares for me and helps me because, at times, I am too weak to help myself."
Accepting that her recovery may be unlikely, Sarah also explains in her book that she has also started planning her funeral.
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"It's strange, I keep thinking about funerals at the moment. It might sound morbid, but it's hard not to at this stage: cemeteries, plots, burials, what kind of send-off I'd like and how it would all go. It's all there front and centre in my mind," she penned.
"I've also thought about an epitaph for my grave. I'm thinking 'FFS' might be a good one. It's probably been my most used phrase throughout this, with one crappy event following another. 'For f**k's sake!'
"I think what I'd really like to do is to see everyone - all my friends, all together. One last time. Then I'd throw a great big f**k-off party as a way to say thank you and goodbye. Wouldn't that be amazing?"
Here's hoping Sarah gets the chance to see all her loved ones again when restrictions ease.
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Hear Me Out is available to buy from all good bookstores now.
Featured Image Credit: PATopics: Celebrity News, Cancer