Chrissy Teigen Says She Regrets Not Looking At Late Baby Jack's Face
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Featured Image Credit: Instagram/ Chrissy Teigen
The 35-year-old cookbook author and former model took to Instagram to share pictures from the video shoot for John Legend's song, 'Wild', in which Chrissy first revealed she was pregnant, by caressing her bump.
"These are from our video shoot for Wild in Mexico. I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy.
"I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end.
"I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks...not sure I'll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so," Chrissy wrote.
"He would have been here any day now - if he were like Luna and Miles, I'd probably be holding him as we speak.
"I am so full of regret that I didn't look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams.
"I hurt every day from that remorse. This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren't on any sort of schedule."
She signed off: "Love you guys to pieces and am grateful for all your support and love.
"I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do. and I love you jack. I miss you so so much."
The star has been open about her grieving for Jack in the last few days, as his due date approached.
Earlier this week, Chrissy had told fans her endometriosis was so bad her stomach was visibly cramping, but added that devastatingly, these cramps felt like kicks, reminding her of her son.
"My little jack would have been born this week so I'm a bit off," she wrote. "I truly feel kicks in my belly, but it's not phantom.
"I have surgery for endometriosis tomorrow...but the period feeling this month is exactly like baby kicks. Sigh."
Chrissy's 'kicks' were essentially a severe symptom of the condition, not to be confused with phantom kicks, which is when pregnant women, and those who have recently been pregnant, continue to feel kicks when they aren't occurring.
Sharing a video of her stomach contracting, Chrissy wrote: "Look at this. I'll pretend it's him saying hi - it never stops."
It comes after Chrissy and her husband, John Legend, lost their son Jack back in September, sharing a series of devastating pictures from that day in the hospital room, and revealing they were "shocked" and suffering "deep pain".
She has been open about her journey ever since, sharing some of the good, the bad and the ugly with fans in the months that have followed.
"I know you won't see this but you have helped me so much in my healing from my miscarriage. I wasn't as far along as you are but the pain I feel even four months later still makes it hard to breathe sometimes.
"All the love to you and your family," wrote one women to Chrissy after hearing reading the most recent post about her grief.
Another penned: "Our hearts mourn with you, as you shared this magical mystery ride with us. He was all our Jack too, and we are so sorry that he's not physically here.
"Sending you an abundance of hugs and love CT. You and your family are SO prayed for".
Alongside her heartbreak over Jack, Chrissy has also been updating fans on her endometriosis surgery, which took place yesterday.
She shared a clip of herself following the procedure - which was to treat the long-term condition, which causes uterine tissue to grow on the outside of the uterus.
Posing in a surgical gown in hospital bed, Chrissy wrote: "Endometriosis surgery please endo this pain lol lol lol
"Chrissy later shared footage of herself relaxing at home following the procedure, in which she appeared to still be drowsy from the anaesthetic.
"I'm OK, I'm home now," she said, touching her bandaged stomach. "All numbed up. Watching Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm."
In another clip she told fans: "My whole belly's got numbed, it's kind of like numb for a couple of days.
"Hopefully it will stay that way. It makes it hard, every little cough and stuff, but it is truly still better than the contractions and the pain of endo.
She concluded by making a joke about the healing journey she was yet to go through, winking at the camera and telling fans: "I don't feel great, but tomorrow's gonna be worse, so... yeah".
While Chrissy hasn't divulged exactly what was being treated during her endometriosis surgery, there are many reasons a woman with the condition might need to go under the knife.
One is 'endometriomas,' which are ovarian cysts caused by the condition, while other reasons for surgery include the removal of severe endometriosis - especially if it is impacting other organs - and evaluation of fertility.