A dad on Reddit has sparked a debate after revealing he refused to let his son have his wife's surname.
The anonymous dad, 32, posted in Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum. He asked the website whether he was in the wrong for refusing to compromise after his wife, 30, who suggested they give their son both of their surnames.
He explained that his wife comes from a country where women “get to keep” their maiden name after marriage.
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The unnamed mum keeping her surname was not a problem for her husband when they tied the knot, although his family pushed against it.
He said when his wife kept her surname, it “made my family somewhat unhappy saying it was disrespectful of her to keep her maiden name but thankfully they got over it and things got better and we reconciled later.”
The couple discovered they were having a baby boy and the dad decided to have a serious talk with his wife about the naming situation.
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“I sat with my wife down and told her that my son is going to get my last name and explained so that there's no confusion,” he explained in the post.
“But she disagreed and said no and came up with a compromise which was that our son gets both our last names."
The dad declined her offer and explained to his wife "how awkward and confusing and just complicated that would be" if their child had a long name.
He added: "Not to mention the middle name so that would be a long name but she said I should consider since my last name will still be there but I said no and told her we'll just have to go with what most families here do and is going by the father's last name."
The dad revealed his wife “threw a fit” and called him “selfish” while accusing him of “treating her as if she as a mother gets less or no say.”
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He added: “But I reminded her that she got to keep her maiden name and so we’re even.
“She then argued that I was mixing two things that are unrelated and was holding the fact she got to keep her maiden over her head though it was her right to do that same with deciding what surname our son will have.”
The dad refused to compromise and took into account his family’s possible reaction once they discovered that their grandchild would not have the same surname as their dad.
He finished his post with: “She got upset and refused to talk to me after that calling me selfish and a dictator and a 'minion' for my family even though I'm just looking out for our son's best interest and keeping them in mind.
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"I just think she's being deliberately stubborn here. but I'm not sure. Aita?”
One popular response from a fellow Reddit user quoted the first line in which the dad said he sat down with his wife and told her their son would get his surname. The commenter quipped: “That's as far as one has to read to decide YTA. The rest of it just makes it worse.”
Another Reddit commenter called-out the original post. “The decision has to be mutual. It seems unilateral and it doesn’t reflect your mutual wants and needs. It reads as you decided for both of you - you set a fact and she has to comply. You think you can veto her because you're a man.”
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A third person wrote: “Who is he to dictate what surname the child gets? If anything, she should be the one deciding since she's carried that child for nine months. Double barrelled or her name.”
While a fourth person highlighted the dad’s usage of “my son” which seemingly disregards his wife and mother of their child. "'my' son’, not even ‘our’. OPs wife seems to be an incubator and nothing else. I didn't see the slightest amount of affection in this whole horrible [misogynous] pamphlet."
However some commenters were more sympathetic about the dad’s perspective. One person said they grew up in a similar situation to the son mentioned in the story and said it was “absolutely awful” having a long name.
They explained: “My mom comes from a culture where they keep their maiden names and the children often get both, and my father did not. My entire life it has been a complete struggle. What made it worse is later in life when I started applying for schools and jobs, that was when my dad encouraged me to use my mother's last name as well because it is clearly not American. It was so frustrating for my entire life to get shit from both sides of the family, especially his side, and then end up with him trying to use it only when it benefited us."
And another Reddit user shared: “I was gonna type a response but you already nailed it! I hate the ‘but my family’ excuses…guess who is also your family and the one directly impacted by this decision? Your wife & kid! This dude isn’t looking out for his son, he’s looking out for his fragile ego and everything else is noise/distraction/excuses.”
What do you think?
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