Interiors Therapist Reveals The Decor That Could Be "Driving Men Away"
Ever wondered how your decor could be preventing you from finding a S.O? No? Me neither. That's why, in a list of the most problematic things we've read this week, an article on 'How to avoid turning your home into a manrepeller', rates fairly highly.
Dolphin motifs in the bathroom? Live your nautical fantasy. Damask feature wall? You do you. 'Live, laugh, love' sign on the wall? You're pushing it, but who gives a sh*t because, remember, it's your house.
Aside from coming into the safe space of your home and telling you why it's wrong to live the way that makes you feel like your best self, telling you why you need to mould that space to an imaginary partner's - rather than your own - desires seems wrong.
Suzanne believes interior therapy'can help us move forward into new chapters of our lives, hey I get it. I no longer have a Postman Pat bedspread or ticket stubs from uni nights out stuck to my wall. And, at 31, I've probably (just about) moved on.
It's true: decor isn't just about aesthetics, it's also about addressing a psychological and spiritual need for change. Read: if we don't reassess after a major life change or break-up you can hold onto the past.
But, if a relationship ends, is it really healthy to do a bulk buy at Ikea and throw out all the things that remind you of everything you've learnt from that relationship and the person you've become because of it? Can't we all just be a little bit more Ariana and Grande the situation?
As she sings in 'thank u, next': "One taught me love, One taught me patience, And one taught me pain, Now, I'm so amazing" Surely learning from, rather than shunning the past is the healthiest way forward?
First up: having images of strong, independent women like Frida Kahlo, Tracey Emin and Marlene Dietrich in your home is a problem. "It's the interior of a strong single woman," explains interior therapist Suzanne Roynon who runs ClutterFree.coach . It gives the message: "I'm fine on my own. I don't need anybody else. I am perfectly comfortable as I am. Don't mess with me."
Or it could just be saying: I appreciate female culture so having images of influential, creative women around me makes me feel like my authentic self.
And if the think your date (who's privileged enough to have received an invitation into your sanctuary) could be looking at them skew (or worse still, if he actually does) it could just be your subconscious, the universe, or him telling you that the judgemental pr*ck isn't for you.
These women are your warrior army - and if that date wasn't okay with it, are you really okay with him?
Pictures of smiling men are encouraged, as are pictures of couples and "pairs of lights, ornaments, candles." Monkey see, monkey do.
Suzanne practises the KonMari method, developed by decluttering queen, Marie Kondo, where you throw away excess belongings that no longer serve you - and that, in itself, is a form of therapy.
Clutter apparently makes us fat. "You'll quite often find in the houses of very overweight people, the centre of the house is rammed with stuff." Well, at least the fridge would be pretty minimalist, I suppose.
But she's also a qualified life coach who during 'times of transition' specialises in emotionally overhauling your home or workspace.
Jennifer Aniston allegedly hired an interior therapist to help her reclaim the space of her Bel Air home and cleanse it from anything significant decided on as a couple after her split from husband Justin Theroux.
But the journalist concerned had tried to remodel her home into a "female palace" after splitting with an ex five years ago - so what needs cleansing?
Apparently it's all about coaxing men in and putting their feelings before your own. Got it?
Men don't like cacti because they're "too spiky". Note to self: only buy voluptuous, tactile plants that make men feel horny or you'll die alone (vaginal-esque orchids are encouraged).
Novels with "depressing titles" (think 'Little Deaths' or 'The Suspect') are also out. "The imagery you have around you needs to be supportive. And strengthening." But what if 'Chicken Soup For The Soul' and Jilly Cooper just aren't your jam? No man must know you are more than puddle deep. Giggling coquettishly as you hold the book upside down, I presume, is also encouraged.
Next up: is in feng shui, the ancient art which uses the flow and movement of energy within a space, and purposefully guides it to offer the greatest benefit to the occupants.
It's all about living in harmony with your environment. Its aim is to achieve balance in your living and working space and maximise your potential for success in all areas of your life.
But there's a statue of Buddha (an emblem of solitude and poverty) in the writer's wealth corner and a stepladder in the relationship corner. Apparently that's bad - and it makes sense.
Onto arguably the most romantic room in the house: the bedroom. Not a good place for books. "Bedrooms should be about sleep and love," Suzanne explains. But what if you love reading in bed before you go to sleep? Forget it, hun.
Your bedroom needs to be transformed a boudoir to welcome a hypothetical man into, a space where he hypothetically feels comfortable and confident (after you've met him and decided to sleep with him). He shouldn't be squashed out by anything else - like books, or enjoying yourself on your own.
Replacing the bed and sheets after a break-up is also highly recommended - okay, but you're going to have to get that Buddha out of the wealth corner because that sh*t's expensive (and is a a one-night stand that goes nowhere considered a break-up? Asking for a friend).
In the bathroom select five products you use every day, and box up all the stuff you use less frequently as well as your medication. Then hide them. Note to self: losing track of life-sustaining medication is not as bad as losing a man. But apparently clients who see interior therapists report better health and wealth afterwards - must be the feng shui and the £400 fee.
Featured Image Credit: Unsplash