Ross Kemp Is The Nation’s Unlikely Crush And It’s Time We Stopped Denying It
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Featured Image Credit: ITV
"I want to lick Ross Kemp's bald head."
This is just one of thousands of tweets that illustrates the nation's enduring obsession with the hairless EastEnders hard man.
Granted, the 55-year-old 'Enders star is no Brad Pitt. But after seeing him spend a daunting six months in the UK's most notorious jail, HMP Belmarsh, for his latest ITV doc this week we have to admit we are 100 per cent on board.
And we're not alone; a cursory scroll through Twitter shows there are hundreds, if not thousands, of women out there with a not-so-secret crush on the documentary maker. Not sold yet? Bear with us.
Despite a problematic start to his on-screen persona as bad boy womaniser (and frequent wife beater) Grant Mitchell, he's won a special place in our hearts in his post-Enders career.
If you don't believe us, you only need to take one glance at social media to realise we speak the truth. One woman's crush began when she was a youngster, while others saw the light later on in life and say it was his hard-hitting documentaries that did it for them.
So what exactly is it about Ross?
His bald head
Perhaps it's the seductive sheen that radiates from his hairless head, or perhaps they're captivated by all that light that bounces off his shiny scalp?
It may sound an unlikely explanation, but there's no escaping it: people dig that Ross is as bald as a coot. In fact, one girl likes it so much she wants to lick it. And that's OK.
It's worth noting that Ross did once have a full head of hair. Albeit a very long time ago.
A brave man. A strong man. As a bonafide investigative journalist, Ross has faced up to a mass-murdering sex trafficker, gangs and been on the front line filming British troops in Afghanistan.
During one particularly tense moment of filming Ross Kemp in Afghanistan, he ended up just mere inches away from being shot by Taliban bullets. Another time, he walked through a possible minefield in a bid to experience what soldiers go through on a day-to-day basis in war.
And how can we forget the time he accosted a fully-armed Hamas suicide bomber in Gaza?
Ross most recently stayed overnight in Belmarsh prison, which was shown last night on his latest ITV documentary, Welcome To HMP Belmarsh.
The prison is known for housing notorious prisoners including serial killers and terrorists. You wouldn't catch us doing that in the name of journalism.
You're too much, Ross.
His hard man persona
Ross' best tough guy moment to date was when two guerrilla soldiers pulled a gun on him in Papua New Guinea whilst filming the Extreme World docu-series.
"No-one's going to f**king kill me," he responded, in a show of strength worthy of Grant Mitchell himself.
What a guy. A big hunk of a sexy man. Ahem, we mean, well done Ross.
Lucky he didn't get killed too, or we wouldn't have been privy to all his most recent fascinating documentaries.
A lot of people are sharing the Ross Kemp on spice video, but I've worked on a number of his documentaries over the years, and this clip, when a gun was pulled on him in Papua New Guinea, is even more extraordinary. pic.twitter.com/y8ADCRhJoD
- Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) January 10, 2020
He's a big softie, really
After an ill-fated marriage to Rebekah Brooks, former editor of News Of The World, he went on to wed Renee O'Brien and the couple welcomed twins, Ava and Kitty, back in 2017.
When he recently tweeted images of his beloved girls, Ross showed himself to be a gentle giant, proud as punch of his little brood.
Just look at how smitten he is. Almost as smitten as we all are with him. *Pictures what our wedding and first child would look like*.
Homeward bound. Very big thanks to all at John Radcliffe pic.twitter.com/BQrb63YTDG
- Ross Kemp (@RossKemp) October 4, 2017
He loves dogs as much as us
Just look what a great dad he is to his fur baby. Anyone that bestows that much love to a pooch has all the ingredients of a potential life partner in our eyes.
We reckon he'd take a bullet for that puppa and to be honest that is the kind of man we crave.
My boy, not a puppy anymore! #NationalPuppyDay pic.twitter.com/X5dFj3tuD4
- Ross Kemp (@RossKemp) March 23, 2018
He once accidentally did drugs on TV
Ross got stuck straight in there (as usual) during his most recent documentary Welcome To HMP Belmarsh, taking hold of some confiscated spice.
He accidentally ended up inhaling it though. And while we know doing drugs isn't big or clever, his face afterwards made for pure TV gold.
Remember that video when England's rugby team won their game against New Zealand in the semi-finals of the Rugby World Cup last year?
We thought Ross was going to explode. Just look at his red head in the throes of passion.
His no-nonsense sass
This guy isn't afraid to make a fool of himself. The pictures for his recent Tui Marella Cruises campaign were fabulous - almost as fabulous as he is.
Just look at that smile. Who could resist?
He's a style icon
Look at all that leather. Ross you sly dog.
He understands that David Attenborough is a national treasure.
Anyone who respects Dave gets serious R-E-S-P-E-C-T from us.
Very lucky to get an invite. Sir David Attenborough is my hero @ChathamHouse pic.twitter.com/2iV26g7vn3
- Ross Kemp (@RossKemp) November 20, 2019
So there you have it, an ode to Ross. You with us now?